Letters

Hey Anne,

Congratulations on your new "rescue" Emma!

You know Anne....I love all "NINE" of my girls....but I have to say that the "rescues" are extra special!  Whether you get them from the pound, a rescue group or just off the street.....these kids adore you so , try so very hard to please you, and are so damned appreciative of the love you give them. I find it all simply overwhelming. It is nice to have a pure bred and beautiful animal but these kids should not ever be underestimated. To see them arrive so broken, stressed, in ill health with so many bad and unhappy memories breaks your heart. This, combined with all the fear they must have experienced from being abandoned by the families they loved or worse yet, who abused them.  You get to watch them trust again, love again, blossom, grow and heal. It is such an exhilarating experience to see them become happy once more. It is probably the most rewarding thing I have ever done besides raising my human kids.

While I love those little baby pups with the wonderful puppy breath and the experience of watching them go through their puppyhood ..... I have been sold on these abandoned kids. I sit here looking at my "God send" (rescue from the kill shelter /pound) Carrie Sue. She is sitting here beside me now.... so close, rubbing and  pressing her face against me, like a cat would.....there is just nothing greater on this earth!

This morning I watched Carrie Sue lying on the floor in the kitchen (as she always does now)..... supervising the 4 littlest ones at play.  Each one would come up to Carrie Sue and do that "cat rub" up against her face, lick her and then tear off to go on playing with the rest.  It is as though they are saying to Carrie Sue," I love you...watch me...look at me".   She now seems like their mommy. Tears always come to my eyes when they do this.

Carrie Sue has also found another purpose in her little life.....being a therapy dog for the elderly. I took her to visit my Mom who is in an Assisted Living Facility. She performed like an old pro and did everything perfectly....as if she had done it for years before. She accepted their excitement and petting in a serene almost regal manner. She knew which ones were unable to bend down to pet her and stood with her paws on their chair so they could reach her easily.   I was so proud of her! I took her up to the top floor of the facility which is the designated Alzheimer's section. All the residents there came alive when they saw her.  One cried when she held her face and petted her....she kept on saying over and over...."she is so pretty!" Carrie Sue just soaked it all in like the sun.   So, I am now totally convinced Carrie Sue was saved because she still has a job to do. She was a blessing sent to me by God for this reason. What a gem she is.....I would have hated not to have ever known her.

Carrie Sue was sent to us to "foster" until she healed and her stress was reduced. We are not sure when Carrie Sue unpacked her bags.....we think it was within an hour after she arrived. So, our Carrie Sue is here to stay.....she is in her "forever" home!

In closing, all I can say is, I sure wish more folks would give these kids a chance. If they are willing to put in a little time and effort.... they will surely be richly rewarded .....a thousand fold.

Bless you for taking in Chloe and Emma.

Have a great day,

Zee and the girls

This is a tribute to my brave little Sammy who spent the first four years of his life in a puppy mill in Tennessee. Once the mill was shut down, he was again held prisoner to be used as evidence in the trial against the female miller. She ultimately received a slap on the wrist and soon went back into business. Please forgive me for the length of this. I have tried to edit it, but can't seem to make it any shorter. And, please do not feel compelled to answer. I know that I have time only to read this list and not to be a regular participant. Still, I feel like I know so many of you and you are the only ones I know who would understand my feelings about this. I wanted to share it with you.

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    It has been just about a year now since I adopted Sammy, my 6 year old, 10 lb. Maltese, from HUA (Hearts United for Animals) in Nebraska. For a year now, I have spent nearly 24/7 with this baby. He stays right by my feet as I work each day and sleeps with me at night. In this past year, I have learned so much more about mill dogs than I knew when I so naively took this on. I have read so many accounts of rescued mill dogs who "start to come out of their shell" within days or weeks of rescue. Well, that did not happen with my boy. I still cannot reach down and touch him anywhere except sitting in my desk chair or in bed. He stays right at my feet as I work, but still startles greatly every time I move, every time I open a drawer, every time I drop so much as a paper clip. He refuses to walk on a leash - I have tried every suggestion I have ever read about to no avail. He shows no interest in toys. He still frequently hides either in my bathroom or under my bed.   As recently as the ten month anniversary of Sammy's adoption, there had been very little change in him, very little progress made. As recently as June, I was discussing once again with my vet the possibility of trying medication for Sammy (but we did not).

    A few short months ago, I would have told you that I loved my Sammy very much, but it was kind of like the love one has for a person who lacks the capacity or awareness to acknowledge or return love. It was real, tender and true, but definitely a one-way love. Sammy desperately avoided my touch. He could not be lured by the tastiest treats. He frequently looked at me with a look that contained far more than just fear or distrust. His eyes were narrowed and it was a look of dislike, pure and simple. I've not really read about that with anyone else's dog, but maybe it's too painful to talk about. I know that it was very painful for me. Yet, it would be wrong to assume that I was disappointed in Sammy or wished that he were different. I was OK with who he was, even if he never improved. Even if HE didn't know it, I drew comfort from knowing that his life was so much better than it was before and that he would never be hurt or cold or hungry again. Certainly, I wished for his sake that he could break through some of the chains that bound him, but those chains did not make me love him less.

    But, there is more to this story. A few months ago, I may have loved my Sammy, but I had absolutely no idea how much that love could still grow and what pure joy my heart could feel when he began to show signs that he might still, one day, come to trust me and love me in return. These things that have happened so gradually over the last few months are things that would be taken for granted in a "normal" dog. For me and Sam, however, these have been milestones of epic proportions.

    I don't really know the order in which these things happened, but I am sure that the first steps occurred in my bed. Sammy has always slept with me since the first night. He usually sleeps where the other pillow would be if there were another person in the bed, as close to the edge as he can without falling out. Or sometimes, he goes farther away towards the end of the bed.
Never closer. Every night since his arrival, I have patted the bed next to me and said, "Sammy, come here." But, he would just look at me and turn away.

    One night, when I patted the bed and asked him to come, he actually moved! He was on his tummy and slid just a fraction of an inch closer to me. As the nights progressed, he moved closer and closer and closer until one night he summoned courage from the depths of his soul and turned onto his back and offered me his tummy. Now, every night when I pat the bed, that is his signal to turn over and get his tummy rubbed. Sometimes he forgets to come closer first, and I can't reach him. But, when I pull him toward me, there is no resistance, and he stays on his back, waiting for his belly rub.

    I used to try sometimes to pull him closer to me in the bed, but he would become like dead weight and strongly resist it. If I did it anyway, he would never get comfortable, but would stay stiff and alert, on guard, and jump away as soon as he saw his opportunity to go back to his safe spot. After the tummy rubs started, he gradually began to relax right next to me when the rub was over. The last several nights, he has allowed me to pull him next to me (his back to my stomach as I sleep on my side), with my arm around him and his nose buried in my other armpit, covers up to his chin. He is back in his safe spot by morning, but he stays snuggled with me for a long time - until after I have gone to sleep. For me, it is indescribable bliss.

    In the mornings, Maggie (my mini schnauzer) has always jumped all over me as we all wake up, but Sammy just moves close to the end of the bed and waits for it to be time to go downstairs. Lately, he has begun to approach me when I wake up, coming over and letting me pet him a bit too, before we start our day.

    Sometimes when I come home now from running carpool or other errands, instead of running to hide, Sammy runs around the chair in the family room, very excited to see me back. I began to notice that when he gets excited, he does this little sneeze type of thing that is so cute. I have found that I can do the sneeze thing first and he will mimic me, and we will play the pretend sneeze game back and forth. That seems like such a silly thing. Maybe only someone who has watched a mill dog come around can comprehend how astounding it is to have actual interaction like this.

    Sammy used to be very odd about eating. He would run away from wherever I placed his bowl and it was an ordeal to get him to eat. We would have to make sure no one was in the same room with him and give him lots of time. Now, he spins happily when I line up the bowls to fill them at meal time. He eats it right down no matter who is around. When I call out "treats!", Sammy comes running - from outside, from upstairs, from wherever he is. He even dances on his back legs before I put the treat in his mouth.

    For a long time now, Sammy has been occasionally willing to put his paws in my lap when I was working and would ask to be picked up. It was not very frequent. Lately, however, he wants to be in my lap a LOT. I often have to put him down so I can go to the bathroom or make a copy or get something out of the file cabinet. Earlier this week, I was sitting in a chair out on the patio as I watched the babies play. (I have three fosters right now in
addition to Sammy and Maggie). One little foster, a 4 month old toy poodle puppy appropriately named "Rascal", just won't stop getting in Sammy's face. Sammy tries growling very fiercely, but Rascal is not impressed. Sammy tries walking away, but Rascal jumps along with him, staying right in his face. Out of ideas and desperate, Sammy looked at me sitting in the chair and came running! He jumped up to be picked up into my lap. He considered my lap to be a "safe spot." Can you imagine how that felt to me? I cannot describe it.

    And today, perhaps the most important breakthrough. I always sit at my desk and read the morning paper. When I am through, I set it on the floor until later when I will put it with the other papers in the garage. This morning, I hear all sorts of noise and I look down to see Sammy tearing that newspaper and shaking his captured piece as if it were the rodent from his first kill! As I leaned down to take the paper away, I suddenly stopped,
stricken by the enormity of what I had just seen. Oh my God, my baby is PLAYING!!! He has gradually been learning to trust in me and to lose some of his fear, but this is on a whole different level, isn't it? For my Sammy to begin to realize that, in addition to being safe, a doggie can have FUN!! I laughed until I cried, tears of 100% joy that he is on the verge of learning to reach out and take some enjoyment from his life. You, go, Sammy!!! And he has, the entire paper is in shreds, and still he is happily ripping away. I am moved beyond my ability to express in words.

    I know this has been ridiculously long, but if you are still with me, just let me say that this little dog totally and completely owns my heart. We have come so far together, he and I. Now, he has allowed me to begin to help him to overcome his deepest vulnerabilities. His courage humbles me. I have never known such a feeling of accomplishment and even "worthiness" as
earning this baby's trust has brought to me.

    Oh. . . .and the "look"? I'm not exactly sure when it happened, but Ihaven't seen it for a while. His eyes are still a bit fearful and uncertain at times, but the narrow-eyed mean look is no more to be seen (at least not by his Mommy!).

Happy One Year Anniversary, my sweet Sammy. May we have many, many more.

Nancy